you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
