it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
