We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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