perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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