Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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