I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I have aggressive nipples.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
