dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
