he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I have grass duct taped all over my body
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
