after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize