Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
