i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
