The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
