I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
