Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
