Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Randomize
