oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
