I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
