I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize