He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
