You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
