thus making me awesome and them whores
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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