I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
