i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
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