I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
