Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
