I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I look better un-naked...
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
