I heard we made out
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Randomize
