the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
