It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
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