she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
someone owes me an orgasm
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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