so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
