We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
