my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
3 2 1 whiskey
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
