Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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