Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
