I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize