I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
