I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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