"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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