I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
as a side note pls kill me
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