i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Shame is for Republicans.
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