I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
