it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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