If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
