I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
