It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
