I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
