I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
