Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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