i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
