so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Randomize
