I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
