Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
