It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
