dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
