so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Randomize
