We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
