How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
