you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
