Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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