Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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