I think I just saw someone hide a body.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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