I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
