just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
