My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
